Don't Forget Your Overcoat, Joe!

Watching Joe Biden rant and rave for one hour seven minutes and 17 seconds during his fourth – and hopefully final – State of the Union address last week made me think of William Henry Harrison.

For those who flunked American History in high school, Harrison was elected our 9th president in 1840 and assumed office on March 4, 1841. At the advanced age of 67, Harrison was the oldest man ever elected to the highest office and at age 68, the oldest to take the oath of office. Before Harrison, the oldest presidents on their inauguration day were John Adams (61 years, 125 days); and Andrew Jackson (61 years, 354 days in 1829 and 65 years, 354 days in 1833).

Over the next 140 years, Harrison had a few challengers including Zachary Taylor (64 years, 100 days in 1849); James Buchanan (65 years, 11 days in 1857); and Dwight D. Eisenhower (62 years, 98 days in 1953 and 66 years, 98 days in 1957).

Then along came Ronald Wilson Reagan, who was elected America’s 40th president at age 69… and sworn into office the first time at 69 years, 348 days and the second time at 73 years, 348 days.

In both 1980 and 1984, Reagan had to quell concerns that he was too old for the job and when he faltered in the first debate against Walter Mondale, those concerns grew exponentially. However, his famous quip in the second debate – “I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience.” – laid those concerns to rest and “the Gipper” went on to win an historic landslide, capturing 49 of 50 states.

Next in line was George H.W. Bush, who at age 64 years and 222 days was a relative baby when he assumed the reins of power from President Reagan. Donald Trump upped the ante in 2017, taking the oath of office at age 70 years, 220 days. But Joe Biden blew all his predecessors out of the water, being elected at age 77 and being sworn in at age 78 years, 61 days.

I provided that historical backdrop for one reason: a recent ABC News poll showed that 86% of voters – including a whopping 73% of Democrats – think that Geritol Joe is too old to serve a second term in office. So, facing such devastating poll numbers, what did Joe and his handlers decide to do? If Joe’s State of the Union address was any indication, their strategy is to show that he has the energy and cognitive ability of a person half his age.

In other words, to lie and intentionally try to deceive the American public.

First, they apparently told Joe to shout and scream at the top of his lungs to somehow demonstrate that he is full of vim and vigor. Instead, his bloviating and rapid-fire delivery ruptured the ear drums of his audience in the House chambers and drew comparisons to Clint Eastwood’s famous “Get off my lawn” line from Gran Torino. The only problem for Joe is that he is no Clint Eastwood, so he was left looking like an angry old man, out-of-touch with his surroundings.

Next, the people behind the curtain at the Biden White House scheduled Joe for a seven-day campaign tour to five battleground states: Pennsylvania, Georgia, New Hampshire, Wisconsin, and Michigan. The downside to such a tight schedule – five days on, two days off – is that Joe doesn’t do well without his nappy time… and you can only consume so many 5-Hour Energy drinks before they start to backfire on you.

In my opinion, Joe’s schedulers would do well to learn from William Henry Harrison’s catastrophic (and deadly) mistakes 183 years ago. Wanting to show the world that he was fit as a fiddle, Harrison rode on horseback to his inauguration on a cold and rainy day without the benefit of an overcoat or a hat. He then proceeded to deliver the longest inaugural address in American history at 8,445 words. After the nearly two-hour monologue was over, Harrison rode through the streets in the inaugural parade before standing in a three-hour receiving line at the White House and attending three inaugural balls.

I wonder how many Red Bulls “ol’ Tippecanoe” chugged down to get him through that never-ending day?

Worn down by persistent office seekers and a demanding social schedule, Harrison escaped the White House for a morning walk on March 24th but got caught in a sudden rainstorm. Returning to the presidential residence, Harrison refused to change out of his wet clothes and came down with a bad cold two days later that quickly developed into pneumonia, which was his official cause of death on April 4, 1841… one month to the day after his inauguration. However, there is some speculation that he may have developed septic shock from the White House water, which was located downstream from where public sewage entered the Potomac River.

And so, my advice to Sleepy Joe is to wear an overcoat, watch what you drink, and stay off your horse (and your bike) in the rain.