Where Have All the Gentlemen Gone?

One of the ways to judge a culture or a society, in my humble opinion, is its code of manners. I am not referring to how people hold their fork or whether they talk with food in their mouth. On the contrary, I am referring to how they treat others and specifically, how men treat women.

Are they treated as equals or as second-class citizens? Do they have the same rights and opportunities as men?

Before I go any farther, let me add a pair of caveats…

First, whereas I personally believe that both sexes are equal in God’s sight, the Bible clearly teaches that men and women have different roles and responsibilities especially when it comes to the family. Painting with a broad but biblical brush, men are to be the primary provider and protector while women are usually the more nurturing half of the equation.

Second, I am as old school as they come, so what I am about to say is what you would probably expect of someone born in the last 15 months of the second Eisenhower administration.

OK, enough with the disclaimers. Let’s get to the meat of the issue or in this case, the meat of the problem. Simply put, it bothers me to see the general lack of manners when it comes to the way men treat women these days. And so, I would like to offer my fellow men a refresher course on that particular subject.

1. When a woman walks into the room for the first time, stand up out of respect.

2. Always hold the door for a woman and let her pass through first.

3. Never, and I mean never, curse in front of a woman. For that matter, try not cursing yourself. Instead broaden (and soften) your own vocabulary.

4. If you are riding on a bus or the subway… or sitting in a jam-packed room… and there are no available seats, offer your seat to a woman who would otherwise be standing. If she politely refuses, politely insist. Follow the same approach if an elderly person is standing because there are no seats available.

5. If you see a woman being verbally or physically assaulted or abused, rise immediately to her defense. It doesn’t matter whether you know her or not, or whether her assailant is bigger than you. Do the right and noble thing and let the chips fall where they may.

6. Teach your sons to treat women with respect and teach your daughters to expect such treatment from men. If you do, your sons will not grow up to be abusers and your daughters will learn not to accept being abused.

7. When in line, women should always go first, whether it is at a reception or a buffet. True gentlemen wait their turn.

8. If a woman is cold and you are wearing a jacket or a coat, offer her yours… and then try your best not to shiver.

9. Offer a helping hand as needed without being obvious or condescending.

10. In a formal setting, pull out her chair.

My list isn’t meant to be comprehensive, but rather a good starting point. Call me old-fashioned or even antiquated, but I would much rather live in a society where women are treated with respect and dignity instead of as just “one of the boys.”

It’s called culture and it’s called class, and these days we could use a lot more of both.